Archive for December, 2008

The Pain of Change

newyearYesterday I talked about the fact that we usually don’t change until the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of maintaining the status quo. As luck would have it, Mark Batterson recently blogged about the same topic. Below is an excerpt from his post:

A couple decades ago, a pair of psychologists named William Samuelson and Richard Zeckhauser discovered a phenomenon they dubbed the status quo bias. Simply put: most of us have a tendency to keep doing what we’ve been doing without giving it much thought. . . . We are simply creatures of habit. But maintaining the status quo can become detrimental.

For example, a study was done on college professors who were part of a pension plan. And the researchers discovered that the professors picked a plan upon entering the program, and while they had the freedom to change plans based on life circumstances or market conditions or even the size of their portfolio, the median numbers of changes in their asset allocation was zero! In other words, most of them picked a plan and forgot about it. They stopped evaluating. By the way, what was even more telling is that many of the married participants who joined the program when they were single still had their mothers listed as their beneficiaries.

Have you have ever been offered a free subscription to a magazine for the first year? Why would we be offered something for free? It’s because magazine companies understand the status quo bias. Most of us will forget to cancel. And it’s not really that we’ve forgotten. We’re just too lazy to make a simple phone call or write a simple letter. Right? That is human nature! We tend to keep doing what we’ve been doing. And the problem with that is this: if you keep doing what you’ve always done you’ll keep getting what you’ve always gotten.

I couldn’t say it better myself!  May you all be richly blessed in 2009.

Reminder: I have two copies of Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight by Karen Scalf Linamen to give away. To enter the random drawing, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@yahoo.com. I’ll double your chances to win if you tell me your #1 New Year’s Resolution — the one thing you really WANT to change; I’ll post the answers I receive anonymously. The drawing will take place this Friday, January 2, 2009. Good luck!

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Change is Painful or Pain is Needed to Change?

newI’ve been thinking a lot about the changes I want to make in my life: one change is physical, one is emotional and one is spiritual.

I know a lot of the steps that need to be taken to make these changes, but I’m having a hard time making the commitment to put forth the effort. Even though I really. really, really want the results, I’m having a hard time deciding to put in the work needed to achieve those results.

Recently, a co-worker reminded me of how much she hates change. Really, I’ve never met anyone who despises change more than she! Change is painful for her.

But for me, and most people, pain is required to achieve change. In other words, people don’t change until the PAIN of staying the same is greater than the PAIN of change.

Al-Anon principles teach family members of alcoholics to stop enabling their loved ones by helping them function and minimizing the consequences of their destructive actions. Why? Because an alcoholic will never want to change until (hopefully) the consequences of drinking outweigh the pleasure — until the pain of staying a drunk is greater than the pain involved in becoming and staying sober.

The dieter doesn’t diet until the pain of being overweight (physical pain, emotional pain) is greater than the pain of diet and exercise.

So, I find myself DESIRING PAIN to motivate me to commit to the changes I need to make to reach my desired goals.  How screwed up is that?!

Speaking of making changes, remember that I have two copies of Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight to give awway this week. To enter the random drawing for a free copy of this book by Karen Scalf Linamen, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@yahoo.com. I’ll double your chances to win if you tell me your #1 New Year’s Resolution — the one thing you really WANT to change; I’ll post the answers I receive anonymously. The drawing will take place this Friday, January 2, 2009. Good luck!

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Book Review and Giveaway: Real Help for Your New Year’s Resolutions

only-nuns-coverKaren Scalf Linamen says she writes humor and self-help – together, not separately. To really understand that description, you have to read one of her books. Luckily, I recently got the chance to do just that.

In light of the quickly approaching New Year and our propensity for resolutions, this week’s book review features Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight by Karen Scalf Linamen. Her advice is sound, but her delivery is hilarious. Check out some of these chapter titles:

Does the Name Pavlov Ring a Bell?

If at First You Don’t Succeed, Skydiving Is Not for You.

The Next Time You Come to the End of Your Rope, Start Flapping Your Arms

Very Funny, Scotty. Now Beam Up My Clothes

A Journey of a Thousand Miles Begins at the Fuel Pump

Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight will give you advice on how to make ANY change you desire. It doesn’t matter if your desired change is simple (stop losing my car keys) or difficult (learn how to manage my temper), short term (organize my spice cabinet) or long term (lose 75 pounds). This book will help you identify the areas of your life you want to improve, set specific goals, motivate you to get started and encourage you to persist until you’re successful. Karen gives the reader 52 tips, detailed instructions, examples, and anecdotal stories funny enough to make you wet yourself as you nod and think, “Yep, I’ve done that!” Of course, just as many times you’ll say to yourself, “At least I’m not that bad!”

If you desire to make any lasting change in your life, Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight is the book you need to truly believe, “Yes, I can!”

GIVEAWAY: I have two copies of this book to give away. To enter the random drawing for a free copy of Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight by Karen Scalf Linamen, please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@yahoo.com.  I’ll double your chances to win if you tell me your #1 New Year’s Resolution — the one thing you really WANT to change; I’ll post the answers I receive anonymously.  The drawing will take place this Friday, January 2, 2009. Good luck!

If you don’t win, you can purchase this book on www.amazon.com and other favorite booksellers.

Here is the book summary from the publisher and information about the author:

Summary:
Every woman longs for change in some area of her life. Unfortunately, fear, fatigue, adversity, heartbreak, past failures, and even the choices of other people get in the way and make lasting change seem out of reach. Having been there herself, Karen Linamen knows exactly how to take readers from where they are to where they want to be.
In Only Nuns Change Habits Overnight, she examines 52 powerful actions readers can apply to any change they long to embrace. Her insights apply to career, finances, personal health and fitness, relationships, faith—in fact, every facet of a woman’s life.
Blending laugh-out-loud humor and sage advice, Linamen shows readers the link between dissatisfaction and transformation, how to remodel habits, the little-known truth about procrastination, how to generate the energy they need to pursue the life they desire, how to benefit from options and resources they never dreamed they had, and much, much more!
only-nuns-authorAuthor Bio: Karen Scalf Linamen is a popular speaker and the celebrated author of ten books for women, including Due to Rising Energy Costs the Light at the End of the Tunnel Has Been Turned Off and Just Hand Over the Chocolate and No One Will Get Hurt. She has been featured on more than one hundred radio programs, including FamilyLife Today. Publishers Weekly describes her as “funny, forthright and unforgettable.” Linamen lives with her family in Colorado Springs, Colorado. Visit her website at www.karenlinamen.com.

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Enlist God’s Help

There are three areas of my life that need drastic change. One area is physical, one is emotional and one is spiritual.

The other day I was putting these goals in writing and brainstorming ways to help me achieve them. Of course, I needed God’s help in achieving my spiritual goal; enlisting God’s help in meeting my spiritual need was one of the first ideas I jotted down under that category. Awhile later I wrote down “learn to depend on God to help” under my physical need. Quite awhile later, I wrote down “need the Holy Spirit to guide me” under the emotional need.

Funny, isn’t it, how much easier it is to accomplish ANYTHING with His help?! So why doesn’t that idea doesn’t readily and immediately come to mind?! At least that’s the case for me. First I think about all the things I can do and after I’ve tried everything else, then God pops into my head as the solution (or a “helper” for me).

Recently I was reading Francis Frangipane’s weekly message and these words stood out for me:

“In reality, grace if God’s promise to do for us what we cannot do ourselves.”

Hmmm.  That gave me pause. 

You can read the whole article below.  I’m going to take a few days off and will be back again on Monday.

http://frangipane.org/cgi-bin/gx.cgi/AppLogic+FTContentServer?pagename=FaithHighway/Globals/DisplayTextMessage&PROJECTPATH=10000/1000/728&sermonid=textsermon_1229046163821&customerTypeLabel=Weekly&sermontitle=Shout Grace!

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Crossroads

road_sign1I mentioned to you last week that I feel like I’m at a crossroads regarding a number of aspects of my life. I thought I’d share a poem by Portia Nelson that lets you know where I am and where I want to be.

Autobiography in five chapters
1) I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in. I am lost…I am hopeless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
2) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it. I fall in again.
I can’t believe I’m in the same place. But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
3) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there. I still fall in…it’s a habit.
My eyes are open; I know where I am; it is my fault.
I get out immediately.
4) I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I walk around it.
5) I walk down another street.

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Winners of This Week’s Book Giveaway

living_rich1 Congratulations to our three winners of Ellie Kay’s new book, Living Rich for Less: Stephanie from West Allis, Wisconsin; Elaine from Orange Beach, Alabama; and Kelly Blackwell from Prescott, Arizona.

I have several more book giveaways in the next couple of weeks so please check back often. Book reviews are on Mondays and drawings are on Fridays. My rambling thoughts are on days in between. My next book giveaway starts December 29th and will be a great book to help you keep your New Year’s resolutions.

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Life with Authenticity

As I’ve explained many times in the past, I read a wide range of books and other matierials.  Recently I was reading a great book written by a woman who’s search for spiritual meaning centers around Hinduism.  The book is called Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.  This is a wildly entertaining book with a lot of life wisdom as well.  I love the writer’s “voice” — she’s hilarious!  I highly recommend it.  

In any case, she’s quoting from the Bhagavad Gita — an ancient Indian Yogic text, which says, It is better to live your own destiny imperfectly than to live an imitation of somebody else’s life with perfection.

That line really struck me, especially lately.  I’m struggling with a number of issues including who I am and who I want to be.   I’ll share my journey with you after I process some of it myself — it’s just too raw right now.   Since I don’t have any wisdom on this topic, I thought I’d at least leave you with someone else’s wisdom!

GIVEAWAY:  Remember to enter this week’s drawing for a free copy of Living Rich for Less by Ellie Kay. Please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@yahoo.com to be entered in the random drawing this Friday, December 19th. Good luck!

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Keeping Gift Giving at a Reasonable Minimum

It’s hard during the holidays to keep children’s expectations (greed levels) down.  A couple weeks ago, I was reading a blog I occasionally visit and found this tip:

My mom started this, and now my husband and I’ve adopted it. We give each other 4 gifts, according to the categories of this little poem: “Something you want, something you need, something to play with, something to read.” 

I love that idea and believe it would work for birthdays as well.  Now that I think about it, that’s pretty much what my parents did without articulating it.  I usually had about 7 presents to open, but one was a big thing I wanted, several were practical items I needed, and probably one or two were something small to “play with”.  Books were something I got in plenty all year around . . . from the library.  It’s only been in recent years that I’ve purchased books on amazon.com that I can’t get from the library.  The good news is I can buy them used and resell them or donate them to the library when I’m done.  Ah, the internet is a many splendid thing!

Anyway, here is the link to the above-tip if you want to read it in more detail. 

(http://watibg.blogspot.com/2007/12/7-things-christmas-version.html)

GIVEAWAY:  Remember enter this week’s drawing for a free copy of Living Rich for Less by Ellie Kay. Please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@yahoo.com to be entered in the random drawing this Friday, December 19th. Good luck!

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Cores, Anyone?

1194986121678838258apple_core_01_svg_med Okay, at long last, here are some stories about my dad’s life during the Great Depression.

One of the earliest memories I have is watching my dad eat an apple. Dad always ate the whole apple – including the core and seeds. The only thing left was the stem. When I asked him why he ate the core, he told me during the Depression, his family was lucky enough to have apples almost all the time. When Dad would eat an apple at school, in his yard or on the street, a kid would always yell, “Core!” This was the way to get “dibs” on the core after Dad was done eating the flesh of the apple. After the Depression was over, no one yelled “Core!” Dad said he didn’t know what to do with it (the thought of throwing it away didn’t occur to him since neighborhood kids used to “fight” for the apple cores) so Dad started eating it himself. Contrary to popular belief, eating apple seeds will not cause an apple tree to sprout out your bellybutton.

When I was growing up, we had pot roast almost every Sunday. When I was seven years old, Dad told me when he was a kid, sometimes his mother would give him a piece of fat and gristle s which he could chew like gum since, obviously, he didn’t have money for gum. Perhaps this is where the phrase “chewing the fat” came from. Since I loved gum (still do!), I asked if I could chew the fat the next day. Monday morning I went to school with my piece of beef fat in my mouth (the future vegan in me said “Ewww!” while the seven year old version of me felt closer to my dad). I still remember the teacher calling me on the carpet for chewing gum in class. I took such pleasure in telling her I wasn’t chewing gum and trying to explain away her confused look as to WHY I was chewing a piece of beef fat. My poor second grade teacher was only in her 20s and didn’t know the first thing about the Great Depression. She ended up calling my parents to check out my story and then invited me to earn extra credit by giving a report on “the way things were” back then.

My dad got his first job when he was four years old. He set up pins at the bowling alley. When he was five, he started hauling pieces of scrap metal or old tires over a mile to get paid by the salvage yard. Sometimes he was paid better than his father who worked for the telephone company. Dad would collect glass soda bottles to be refilled in order to get a free bottle of soda and sometimes he got enough money to go to the nickle movie, too. My father always was a saver and, in fact, retired at the age of 40 because following college, he always saved half of his income and invested it.

Dad didn’t balk at investing in the stock market. In fact, in the ‘80s following Black Tuesday, I asked Dad how much money he lost that day. I was stunned at the figure. He gave me a great piece of advice, “The stock market is just like gambling, except that you have a chance to win at the stock market. Never gamble more than you can afford to lose, and never think of it as ‘your money’ – it’s money only in theory until you sell the stock.” Dad also strongly believed in investing money long term. I remember once his broker from Merrill Lynch called our house. She was taking over my dad’s portfolio after his previous broker retired (after an amazingly long career since most brokers burn out in less than 10 years). I was in high school and took the call because my dad wasn’t at home. The broker told me my dad was amazing with his discipline and knowledge in investing. She saw in his history how he would frequently build up his investments, cash them in (for a house, car, medical expenses) and then build them up again. This was especially impressive since his only “education” in the stock market was that he read Forbes magazine from cover to cover.

When I was 10 years old, I got my first bicycle. When I learned my parents didn’t intend to buy me training wheels, we locked in a battle of wills. It’s hard to say who won – I never got training wheels, but I also never got on the bike. In any case, when I first got the bike, Dad asked if he could ride it. Down the driveway he went – he rode like his blood alcohol content was ten times the legal limit! When I laughed at him and asked him what was wrong, he told me – with tears running down his face – that it was the FIRST time he’d EVER been on a bike. Dad was 52 at the time. When he was a kid, he constantly saved for a bicycle. But every time he got close, his mother would “borrow” money for groceries and Dad never had enough in savings at any one time to buy a bike.

My dad would always tell you how lucky he was during the Great Depression. His father was never out of work. He had several uncles living with them so everyone could pool their resources and make ends meet. You already know his family often had apples and frequently had a small piece of meat for soup or stew. Dad frequently ate at his friends’ houses where he dined on things like lard sandwiches or ketchup in water for “tomato soup”, reminding him how fortunate he was. I was always struck by the fact that his friends’ parents invited him to join them for lunch or dinner when they didn’t have enough themselves.

I know financial times are tough, but we are nowhere near another Great Depression. We need to learn to be grateful for what we have and practice the money management lessons from those times: live below your means, save, don’t waste (metaphorically eat your apple cores), invest and don’t panic as the market goes up and down as long as you’re young enough to see the next upswing, and see how blessed you are compared to others.

GIVEAWAY: For more help in these tough economic times, enter this week’s drawing for a free copy of Living Rich for Less by Ellie Kay. Please e-mail your name and mailing address to seewhykinsman@yahoo.com to be entered in the random drawing this Friday, December 19th. Good luck!

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Living Rich for Less, Ellie Kay

living_richMoney is always tight during the holidays, but never more so than now with the economy spiraling downward so rapidly and no upswing in sight.  So I can’t think of a more timely book than Living Rich for Less by Ellie Kay. 

Ellie has “been there, done that.”  She is a saver; her husband is a spender.  Early in their marriage, she quit working outside the home because they moved 11 times in 13 years.  She and her husband had to live on 23% of her husband’s income since the rest went to pay taxes, child support, and their tithe.  From the remaining 23%, they had to support 7 kids (2 from her husband’s previous marriage and 5 kids they had in 7 years) and pay off $40,000 in consumer debt.  Not only did they survive, they thrived.  They paid off the debt and eventually were able to pay cash for big ticket items such as vehicles and their kids’ college educations. 

In Living Rich for Less, Ellie will explain in easy-to-understand and funny terms how to do the same thing with your own finances.  She will show you how to GIVE 10%, SAVE 10% and WISELY SPEND the remaining 80% (the key word here is wisely).  She discusses the ins and outs of mortgages, a step-by-step process for paying off consumer debt, how to finance your children’s college education, and how to take a vacation for less.  Her tips are practical and not overly burdensome — she will not tell you add water to the milk jug to stretch it longer or give you 10 money-saving uses for lint from the clothes dryer.   

Living Rich for Less is a painless way to learn the money lessons we all need to understand and fully embrace if we are to weather today’s (and tomorrow’s) financial storms. 

I’ll even start saving you money right now by giving you a chance to win the book instead of buying it (although it’s worth the investment — www.amazon.com).   Please e-mail your name and mailing address to me at seewhykinsman@yahoo.com to be entered in the drawing.  Winners will be announced on Friday, December 19th. 

Below is the summary from the publisher:

You really can be rich in every way, every day.

So you want to own the home you love, make memories on wonderful vacations with family or friends, finance college educations, and help others too?

 

You can—starting here and now.

 

With lively humor, proven know-how, and practical principles for financial health, Living Rich for Less helps you stretch your dollars to realize the lifestyle of your dreams. Ellie Kay’s entertaining and enlightening examples show you simple steps to save, spend, and give smart, and her three main principles are undergirded by dozens of effective rules and hundreds of Cha-Ching Factor™ tips that keep or put money in your pocket.

 

Ellie knows what it’s like to be financially-strapped or struggling, wanting to be the Joneses but feeling as poor in spirit as in pocketbook. She went, within two and a half years, from being a new wife and mom with $40,000 in consumer debt and seven children (and college educations) to support, to being completely debt-free and within fifteen years able to pay cash for eleven different cars, give away three of those cars, buy two five-bedroom houses (moving from one to the other) and nicely furnish each, take wonderful vacations, dress her family in fine fashion; and support more than thirty non-profit organizations in more than a dozen different countries, giving away more than $100,000.

 

Isn’t that the kind of transformation to a rich life that you want?

Living Rich for Less helps anyone get there in our taxed-out, maxed-out times. Because financial security doesn’t mean just genuine prosperity, but being able to live luxuriously, give generously, and care for yourself as well as the others around you.

Why keep up with the Joneses when you can be them?

 

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